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[Aug. 2nd, 2007|08:57 pm] |
Vladimir: Have you ever had a grouper sandwich ?
Lucy: Would it be held against me if I had?
Vladimir: Not by me : Had you said "I only eat Dover Sole" - I might be inclined to be content with that response
Lucy: I don't remember.
But I solely eat in Dover.
Vladimir: well that's good
Lucy: I always need a teleporter for my 15-minute breaks.
Vladimir: okay ... when was the last time you used your "teleporter" ?
Lucy: When I had to go and care for my colony of talking potatoes in Burma.
Wesley needed me to be there.
Vladimir: Mmm... How do - ahh : By what means do "Wesley" and yourself communicate ?
Lucy: Um...with all due respect, Your Grace, what part of the phrase "talking potato" do you not understand?
Vladimir: aha : I'm sorry : Does "Wesley" advocate your new living "arrangement" ?
Lucy: Burmese-American Russet hybrids do tend to the judgmental side, but he is adapting adequately to the premarital relations.
We do not let him watch.
Vladimir: okay
Lucy: Damn skippy it's okay. I don't want him in the room; potatoes have lots of eyes, you know.
Vladimir: a-ha. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2007|10:33 am] |
Lucy: Crack kills. Please tell it to stop.
Vladimir :the early indications are never accurate
Lucy: You really should look into buttock implants.
Vladimir: True Story : Napolean Bonaparte never began a day without a big glass of Ovaltine
Lucy: Sewers ROCK!
Vladimir: How did you want to celebrate my new job at Rent-A-Tux ?
Lucy: According to lead singer Colin Hay, Vegemite is "a savoury spread."
Vladimir: You bring the Nutella - Let me take care of the rest
Lucy: That emoticon makes you look constipated.
No, Romeo; Satanists are too self-centered to be adequate pet owners.
Vladimir: I want to be a baby again : I want to be new : I want to be new
Lucy: Every time you synchronize your phone, another baby lemur dies. Pass it on!
Vladimir: John Laroche wanted to be a leader in many different and obscure fields
Lucy: "Mentos" make you sterile.
Vladimir: you would be perfect for the role of Penny in the musical adaptation of Mystic Pizza
Lucy: Dave Coulier secretly does not think that you are one of "America's Funniest People." Sorry.
* * *
Sweating my balls off (figuratively speaking) moving Tod in and washing his manky clothes (they smell like smoke and have been in the basement for more than a year; generally his clothing is far from manky); why the hell did we pick the first week in July, anyway? Doofuses, both of us...!
Booze Cruise tonight, which'll be a welcome respite from all the ball sweating - hooray! Wonder whether Nik'll be there, and where we are going afterwards?
Am absolutely in LUST with the new (new to me, anyway) BBC show, "Hex" - it's like a combo of "Popular", "Charmed", and those L.J. Smith books I used to love. However, it still does manage to be pretty inventive on its own (although if I hear the name "Azaziel" whispered one more time, I will throw my remote through the TV screen). Netflix, I heart you so!
I've cooled down for the mo (although T. and I are SO buying a window AC unit for upstairs soon!); back to work... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2007|09:02 pm] |
Lucy: Once, when I was very young, I witnessed an aged relative's varicose vein bursting.
Vladimir: On a recent trip to Quincy Market in Boston, Massachusetts - I saw an insubstantial man vomit, urinate and defecate ..... all at the same time
Lucy: Have you never been mellow? Have you never tried?
Vladimir: The Great Brinks Robbery of 1981 netted $1,218,211.19 in cash, over $1.2 million in checks and / or money orders & 2 life-size sculptures of Roy Orbison
Lucy: Since when does "teabagging" constitute the bulk of one's life's work?
Vladimir: In order to stay thin, actress Goldie Hawn eats up to 5 boxes of Carr's assorted crackers per week
Lucy: "Stanley, DON'T EAT THAT EARWAX!"
Vladimir: the recipe calls for curly kale : but I bet you could substitute wild turnip
Lucy: What was your first memory of me?
Vladimir: the micro machine was invented by a civil engineer from Germantown, Pennsylvania named Marvin Blumpkin
Lucy: Swedish Meatballs are fun for everyone!
Vladimir: after hearing that he pronounced the word - focaccia [foh-cha-chee] she denied having slept with him
Lucy: I have been to purgatory, and its name is Lawrence, Mass.
Vladimir: whats not a given is that the calculated velocity of a curve will almost always yield a change in distance
Lucy: My fondness for bread means that the change in distance (i.e., outwards) of my curves is a given.
Vladimir: Is it cliche ? Yes : Do I mind ? No
Lucy: Harvey, your predilection for women with meningitis is just damned ODD.
* * *
Tod's gig at the party was fun, or at least the part I attended was; I didn't know a soul there except him, but I managed to meet just about everybody. The band - who that night went by the sobriquet of "Stealface" - sounds great, although I'd definitely prefer Tod as lead singer (and no, that's not just me being biased). Everybody was really sweet and laid back, albeit almost too preppy for mortal comprehension, but I suppose that's the trend among the young people nowadays...
Gotta remember to ask T-Dizzle about going to OOB to see Erica one night; we'd have lots of fun, and she's a doll. Can't wait to meet Tom; he'd better be good enough, or I will menace him subtly.
Speaking of various Ericas, Nikkiah, Erica, and Cassie: the time has come yet again for the Summer Outing! If you like, Nik and Erica, you guys can be T's and my guests. Cassie, I think you still technically work here, so you can bring the dashing Josh! Let me know so I can RSVP - it's on Thursday, June 28, from 5:30pm to 9:00 PM. C'mon - y'all know you wanna! (BTW, guys, the house is absolutely gorgeous; tell me the purple room is Nikki's!)
My arthritic thumb is acting up again; Christ, I so hate getting older sometimes... |
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| Le douche royale, c'est moi! |
[Jan. 28th, 2007|09:43 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | ims | ] |
| [ | ambiance |
| | Some half-forgotten Stones anthem | ] |
Lucy: Now, let me ask you very seriously, Herbert: have you (or any of your...ehrm...COLORFUL...associates!) ever participated in medieval Morris dances?
Vladimir: when she leaves for London : those pomeranians are on their own
Lucy: I've never experienced such intense halitosis as yours before, Eugene; are you quite sure that you're not incubating a small pig in those innards of yours?
Vladimir: I repeat : Agent Dragonfly has been compromised
Lucy: Mayonnaise is abhorrent to me in smell, texture, and color, yet I find that I cannot avoid its soulful allure.
Vladimir: yesterday - I was robbed by a travelling salesman : ironically named Rob
Lucy: My vendetta against those demons at PayPal is almost complete! Mooooahahahahaha!!!
Vladimir: This Serial Killer uses killer cereal to overcome his/her victims
Lucy: I don't think your father heard you, dear; you'll have to give him the news of the wheat-thresher tragedy a little more loudly. And you might enunciate a little more this time; I've noticed that you do have an unfortunate propensity to mumble...
Vladimir: I asked Pete - "If the band was planning any shows in the United States" He told me to hold on a second : I did not see him for 2 weeks
Lucy: Each of us is willing to sacrifice at least one limb for "the Cause"; which one will you be volunteering?
Vladimir: Hello On-Star ? I think my wife is really leaving this time. Do you think that I am exhausting ?
* * *
Just sent off to E-Bay for one of my all-time feel-good movies, "FM (subtitle: No Static At All)". ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) nightfly, tell me you've seen/love this movie! For those who are unfortunate enough to have missed it in the early eighties, it's about a radio station full of impossibly cool DJs that gets taken over by soulless corporate types who want to change the format and, in their frustration, the DJs hijack the entire radio station so they can play the kind of music they love.
Most of the music is performed in "live" venues: there are concerts by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Jimmy Buffett, Linda Ronstadt, etc. And of course, the theme song is by my very own Steely Dan (squeee!). Classic rock fans would be well-advised to see this movie. (Plus, it's got Martin Mull.)
* * *
I had a bad couple of moments at Brian Boru's the other night (I'm such an asshole. Can't I just exist in a given moment without making such a huge goddamn deal about everything?) while we were waiting for Vlad and Erin. Tod had just come from work and was wearing his "business casual" attire, and I was for some reason not looking my usual scrungy self. Anyway, I looked around at all the yuppies schmoozing and realized with alarm that, to the outside observer, we looked like them! We looked like Dave Matthews-listening, Pinot Noir-sipping, toddler-carpooling denizens of the Realm of the Totally Yupped-Up, and not the hippie-esque, vaguely mean-spirited, emotionally immature slackers we both actually are.
Suffice it to say, I got chills. (Bad scene, dude.) So then we all split and went to Gritty's, which - while certainly not a dive - did boast the added attraction of one Robert the Tinfoil Guy (whom Tod swears is a crackhead), who sculpted us a very nice lobster and groped Erin somewhat less than usual. So a fucking good time was had by all. Kitten, why don't you and Erica come with us next time? |
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| The longest argument I've ever had at work: |
[Jan. 14th, 2007|08:38 pm] |
Lucy: You racist!
Vladimir: Necrophiliac !
Lucy: Pedophile!
Vladimir: Prostitute !
Lucy: Pimp-daddy!
Vladimir: Lemur !!
Lucy: Meerkat!
Vladimir: Ostridge !
Lucy: Simpleton!
Vladimir: Curmudgeon !
Lucy: Scientologist!
Vladimir: Nose Picker !
Lucy: Wedgie-giver!
Lucy: Giver of wedgies!
Vladimir: Wedgie-Receiver !!
Lucy: One who bequeathest thy wedgies!
Vladimir: Jean Claude Van Damme Lover !!
Lucy: Sloppy kisser!
Vladimir: Buffalo Wings Eater !!
Lucy: Silly young geezer!
Vladimir: Muppet !!
Lucy: Lederhosen lover!
Vladimir: Lovely Enigma !!
Lucy: Thighmaster!
Vladimir: Chicken Killer !!
Lucy: Off-Broadway sensation!
Vladimir: butterscotch lover !!
Lucy: Steel Magnolia!
Vladimir: John Cougar Mellencamp worshipper !!
Lucy: Male stripper!
Vladimir: Amputated Junkie !!
Lucy: Eenie Meenie Mienie Jackass!
Vladimir: Sour Mouth !!
Lucy: Pete Rose!
Vladimir: Sally Jesse Raphael !!
Lucy: Roofie-giver!
Vladimir: Messy Pants !!
Lucy: Child Of A Lesser God!
Vladimir: Foot Odor Sufferer !!
Lucy: King Shit of Turd Mountain!
Vladimir: Queen of Crapville !!
Lucy: Improv-participant!
Vladimir: Whoopie Pie Face !!
Lucy: Giver of dubious compliments!
Vladimir: marshmallow eater !
Lucy: Logical Positivist!
Vladimir: Dirty Sponge !!
Lucy: Susan Lucci!
Vladimir: Black Widow !!
Lucy: Spammer!
Vladimir: Germ frappe !!
Lucy: Yeaster Bunny!
Vladimir: Back Hair Worshipper !!
Lucy: Tree-horn!
Vladimir: Oily Forehead !!
Lucy: Oxycodone-disdainer!
Vladimir: Ear Wax Eater !!
Lucy: Instigator!
Vladimir: Salamander strangler !!
Lucy: Very special friend of Richard Simmons!
Vladimir: Nick Lachey Lover !!
Lucy: Novelist!
Vladimir: Before Picture !!
Lucy: Illicit rest-area frequenter!
Vladimir: Baby Stealer !!
Lucy: Squirrel sucker!
Vladimir: Sweat Licker !!
Lucy: Emilio Estevez!
Vladimir: Alanis Morrisette !
Lucy: Tiny tot with your eyes all aglow!
Vladimir: Cabbage Patch Doll Molester Psycho !
Lucy: Chlorophyll-subsister!
Vladimir: Blow-Up Doll Dater !!!
Lucy: Lifetime Movie subject!
Vladimir: Donkey Rider !!
Lucy: Sadist!
Vladimir: Dingleberry collector !!
Lucy: Revisionist historian!
Vladimir: Taco Bell Employee !!
Lucy: Tumor muncher!!
Vladimir: Greasy Armpit Sniffer !!
Lucy: Generic porn viewer!
Vladimir: Gay Porn Writer !!!
Lucy: Peeping Vlad!
Vladimir: Dung Shoveler !!
Lucy: Candy Striper!
Vladimir: used gum-eater !!
Lucy: Common street trash!
Vladimir: horse fluffer !!!
Lucy: Estimated Time of Arrival!
Vladimir: BuzzKill !!!
Lucy: Manuel Esposito!
Vladimir: enema lover !!
Lucy: Enema GIVER!
Vladimir: enema receiver !!
Lucy: Enema eater!
Vladimir: Skid-Mark Sister !!!
Lucy: Smurf-sucking pussy-boy!
[I guess he won, because I went home at this point.] |
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