| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|08:52 am] |
No, I am not going to sleep with you. And yes, I have been avoiding you. (Although I'm really not sure why.)
I miss Rachel. I wish she hadn't gotten too godly to talk to me.
I miss Tod. I wish I hadn't alienated him.
I miss Arthur. I wish he wasn't an uncommunicative asshat.
I miss §. (Okay, I miss certain bits of him...) ;-D
I miss my family, and I think it's stupid that I only see them once or twice a year.
I still do not miss Eddie. At all.
I think I'm gonna go cuddle with my cats and watch "Sealab" now. §, if you ever actually get some free time, give me a call... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|07:24 pm] |
Would anyone care to enlighten me as to why the size 10 Ann Taylor wool pants I got at the thrift shop (I generally wear a 6) are too tight, but another of my new acquisitions, a top from the Limited Too (which is, as any self-respecting mall-walker [is that an oxymoron?] should know, is a store for "tweens") fits just fine, with nary a bulge? Has the world gone mad? Or is all Ann Taylor clothing made in sweatshops by tiny Bangladeshi women? Frankly, I'm not sure which I find more disturbing.
Alan Dershowitz just said something interesting (and I'm paraphrasing a little): "If the Supreme Court were to overturn Roe v. Wade, that would be the greatest gift that the Court could give to the Democratic Party." I see his point, but I'm not sure, given the Court's decision in the 2000 election and the myriad abuses that Congress and the Bush Administration have already gotten away with, whether even that would be sufficient to prematurely oust the current regime, or (given how undeniably partisan politics have become) whether +50% of Americans would either be pro-choice or outraged enough by the Court's gross overreaching to make the switch to a Democratic candidate next election. I mean, more than half of the country was moronic enough to vote for that joker (in the second election, at least), right? I am intensely alarmed by the fact there are currently no checks or balances in our government; one party was never meant to control all three bodies!
Speaking of said joker, he is still blaming critics of the war for Iraq's disunity. Um...I know that he doesn't read newspapers, or any book besides the Bible, but don't you think that one of his aides might have put a bug in his ear about the People's predilection for free speech? Loser. (And while I'm criticizing, I just saw a picture of Antonin Scalia, and he looks like a heart attack in a robe. Now that is one cat whose replacement has got to be less extreme than he is. I just hope that he takes his nitro pills like a good boy until after the next election, so that when he kicks off we actually have a hope of getting someone less overtly partisan in there.)
* * * * *
As much as I adore my current squeeze (who I'm sure would prefer to remain nameless, due to my propensity for putting my dirty laundry online to air in the sunshine of brutal honesty, driving away the mustiness of stale metaphors)...
Shit. What was I talking about?
Ah, yes...to resume, I am still as convinced as ever that we have no future. We may share some striking similarities (and honestly, who doesn't? For example, we both have hair. And we both enjoy food! Not exactly kismet), but ultimately our goals and interests are too dissimilar. I can't figure out how to tell him this; maybe I'm hoping that he'll read this entry and my work will be done for me. (Since I came to this particular realization around Christmastime, does that make me a Noel Coward? [Rim shot.])
Equally as important, there is Tod. Or is there? I'm not even sure yet whether he wants anything from me besides friendship. At any rate, I clearly need to get my head together first, chemically speaking. And he needs to become less ambivalent about achieving his goals and (if indeed he is still interested) less ambivalent about me. |
|
|
| Mexicans, Men, and Mammaries: |
[Jan. 9th, 2006|12:10 pm] |
Katy is back, and safe; Carlos is neither. They (finally!) became officially engaged on New Year's. I hadn't realized this, but he will not become legal when they get married unless he goes to live in Mexico for 10 years first. So essentially, their married life here will be incredibly difficult; she will have to do all of the driving, everything (including their house) will have to be in her name, and I'm not even sure what hurdles having children together will entail. He can never visit his family in Mexico again without literally risking his life to come back, and his family can sure as hell never come here. I used to be jealous of them, because they are so blissfully happy together, but now I'm just fucking pissed.
The major problem is this country's collective and ingrained prejudice against Mexicans; so many people think of them as less deserving of citizenship than immigrants from other countries, which is patently racist bullshit. I am sick of people trying unsuccessfully to disguise their own selective racism by citing concern for the loss of American job opportunities! The majority of illegal Mexican immigrants are taking jobs that you know that you would rather drink Drano than do! Watch "A Day Without A Mexican", and see how many of "our jobs" the illegal immigrants are really taking (unless, of course, scrubbing the insides of public trash cans for under minimum wage is your idea of a lucrative business opportunity. If so, kvetch away). But if you're going to be racist, then come right out and admit it; this "they're taking our jobs" excuse started to wear pretty goddamn thin after the first hundred times I heard it.
Felt good to get that off my chest...
Huh. I wish that the men in my life weren't all so unhappy. The guy with whom I am currently keeping company (I'm lonely; kindly don't condemn the Lucy), and Tod, and my appx. 412 other male friends all seem disproportionately miserable. True, it's wintertime in Maine, and few people are at their best during this wretched-ass season. But what else do they have in common besides that, and me? I know I made Tod miserable when we were together, even if he claims it was the other way around. Am I the common factor?
Well, whatever it is, stop it! You're all funny, good-looking, smart, and talented in some capacity. Please stop moping before I decide that it's all my fault and begin casting looks of longing at my exceedingly rusty X-acto knife. I mean it, people; January is depressing enough.
Hokay. Gotta think of something positive to mitigate the unrelenting dourness of this entry...
Um...
When I do the "pencil test", it drops instantly! Which essentially means that my breasts defy gravity.
Oooooh! Before I forget: Kelsey, do you know what day "Morph The Cat" will be released? And does anyone happen to know when the next waning moon is? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|03:31 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | boyfriends, funny | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  neutral | ] |
| [ | ambiance |
| | "Dallas", which I love (yes, I KNOW it's not Don + Walt...) | ] |
I wish my personality was more...I don't know...reserved, I guess. I mean, is it really necessary for everyone to know my every waking thought all the livelong goddamn day? Actually, I did try for "serene" once; it lasted half a day and it damn near killed me to forcibly stifle so many obnoxious comments. They must be free, I tell you, free!
Anyway...
I was thinking about cheese the other day (why, weren't you?), and got to wondering: why was that Muffet woman eating curds and whey? As I understand it, "curds" are bits of unripened white cheese, and "whey" is the juice that they squeezed from the curds. What the fuck? I can only surmise that she was a vegan - they eat all kinds of weird shit like that. Maybe that's why she was little Miss Muffet; those vegans tend to be a weedy bunch. Anyway, she was a major pussy, running (or more likely, staggering weakly) away from the spider like that. Spiders are rich in protein.
Just talked to E. and broke the news about T. to him. He took it surprisingly well - I was afraid that he would assume that, since I'm single again, we would automatically start seeing each other (after all, according to him, he's been waiting for us to break up for about a year). But he didn't. And after I got him to stop yelling "you whore!" (long story) (he was kidding) (I think), he actually did make me feel a lot better. Who knew that he would turn out to be such a good friend?
OB-GYN today; while I was in the stirrups, the RN or NP (or whatever the hell she calls herself) inquired, "I've seen you here before, haven't I?" I can only hope that she was referring to my face and not...other bits. There are some matters in which uniformity can only be a blessing. |
|
|
| Yar. |
[Jul. 10th, 2005|11:19 pm] |
Fecking men...
D. just called and woke me up. In fact, every time I talk to the guy I'm more than half asleep. If one's mind was of a cynical bent, one might actually think that he was calling me for more than my devastatingly witty banter! However, one really must stop speaking of oneself in the fifth person; it's more addictive than one might think.
Ah well; brought the Weston situation on oneself. Damn my irresistiblity! |
|
|
| Reinterpreting Tennyson: |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:02 am] |
"The mirror crack'd from side to side
'The Curse is come upon me!', cried the Lady of Shalott."
Well, right now I can empathize, chica. No one likes getting their period, although my mirror's never actually crack'd, per se. However, there have been times when the bloat has come upon me (like today!) where the mirror has looked distinctly warped, as in a funhouse.
Hm - what else? Well, the ex-boyfriends continue to protest and revolt; mus' be spring, Ah say! And yesterday I gardened for about 2 hours; mostly just mucking out leaves and branches, but the north bed is wonderfully clear now!
Sha'an't write anything about the c-a-r until it's a done deal for fear of jinxing it, but keep yer fingers crossed for me! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2005|08:02 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | boyfriends | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | ambiance |
| | ...James Taylor - "Lighthouse"... | ] |
I believe that the ex-boyfriends are conspiring together to drive me batshit insane. I mean, it's good that they recognize what a great deal they had while I was in my "libertine" phase (and to be honest, I would have been vexed and ratty if each of them hadn't tried at least once to get me back), but this is just getting tedious:
"You should cheat on Tod with me."
"You should dump Tod and do me."
"You should kill Tod, and dance gaily upon his mangled corpse with me."
Enough, already! |
|
|
| "Breakup": |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|01:54 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | boyfriends | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sorta melancholy | ] |
| [ | ambiance |
| | ...The Cars - "Let's Go"... | ] |
In Alaska, "breakup" is the term for when the ice melts and everything gets mired in mud. It's happening here in Maine early because of the unusually mild temperatures; it's generally not much fun, but I'm so grateful for the warmth, I can't mind the mud.
This, obviously, is a painfully strained metaphor for my process of losing the boyfriends (preferably by converting them into friends) - talk about messy...! This has been my project for today.
Most recent first: § was very good about it, and we're going to continue to e-mail occasionally. I think he's kind of lonely; he's pretty isolated by his lifestyle. I definitely think ¶ is pissed about it, though - bummer. I am so fond of him; hope to hell he grows up and realizes that our "relationship" was never gonna go anywhere anyway...
Next, and last, and hardest, is Weston. I'm gonna miss that guy, but somehow I don't think I'm going to be able to stay friends with him. It may just be too hard for me.
*sigh* |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|02:46 am] |
What is happening to me?!? My life is starting to resemble a sappy song by Chicago (the Peter Cetera years, o' course). I did not expect or want this to happen. But I'm damned if I'm gonna stop now; I'm too infatuated/idiotic.
Weston called sometime while I was at T.'s last night/this morning. Don't know anymore what I'm going to say to him. My brain is mush. But what do I expect at 3 am anyway, rhymed couplets?
I'm going to bed, goddamn it. And woe betide anyone who disturbs my rest! |
|
|
| Yarrrrrgggggh!!! |
[Jan. 27th, 2005|08:15 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | boyfriends | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | irate | ] |
| [ | ambiance |
| | Sound of me repeatedly battering my head against the wall... | ] |
I feel more like one of Tomorrow's Girls than ever! Maybe I AM an alien; it would just explain so much...
In the past couple of weeks, two of the boyfriends (men I genuinely love and regard as true friends) have voiced the opinion that what I need is marriage/the love of a good man. I can't help but feel rather betrayed. I mean, they're benefiting from my sexual liberation (blame the backlash against feminism for making that phrase archaic), but they clearly think it's unnatural, too. (Although I notice that the love of a good woman hasn't prevented them from straying...)
It's just such a Shakespearean ideal: Theseus subjugates and marries Hippolyta the Amazon, and Petruchio tames Kate the Shrew. These women are literally defined by their wildness; the characters never likewise refer to the men as Theseus the Brave or Petruchio the Wily. Fucking double standards...
Well, my life won't end like that! No one tames this Amazon; even if I DO, god forbid, end up in a relationship, I'm going to do things my way.
So there. *Thhpppppptht!* |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2005|04:36 am] |
Dan should really lay off the "brotherly advice" shtick. "You know, all guys really want to do is shag." Gee, Hercule, ya think? And here my boyfriends and I have been wasting all this time playing "Yahtzee"!
However, I did have fun: sex and ice cream in one night! But it is definitely time for my nympho days to end; "been there, done them!". God forbid I should become too predictable... |
|
|
| *sigh* |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|07:45 pm] |
I'm getting too damn tired for all this clandestine shit; I think I'm going to have to give up all of the boyfriends with whom I can't be seen in public. Which will leave me with two - that should be sufficient.
Tired...and old. Ick. I'm going to be 26 in another couple of months. My peak fertility age is already behind me. I very greatly doubt that I'll be getting any hotter, so that's probably downhill from here, too. Osteoporosis, wrinkles, receding gums, (more) gray hair...they'll all arrive just in time for me to hit my sexual peak, and then I'll be forced to settle for dating men I'm not even attracted to.
Shit. Maybe I'll have to get married... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2005|11:08 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | boyfriends, mum | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  in pain | ] |
| [ | ambiance |
| | ...Suzanne Vega - "Marlene on the Wall"... | ] |
Crikey. The snow is actually blowing UPWARDS. Whither gravity?
It's about zero degrees here. (Farenheit, of course. Where d'you think we are, friggin' Canada? Buncha Commies over there, with their damn fancy Metric system...) It has been about zero degrees here all week, and tonight/tomorrow we're expecting 18 inches of snow. This is going to be one o' them rare Saturday nights in the Old Port when even the winos turn in early (i.e., they'll obviously stay 'til closing time, but they'll skip the more far-flung after-hours parties).
My tongue still hurts like a...well, like a badly bitten tongue. I bit it on the side about 2 weeks ago, and it really hurts when I talk (which is my livelihood, lest we forget) because my poor injured tongue is bumping against my teeth, including a couple of thuggish impacted wisdom ones.
My mother has been making gloomy predictions that blame said sore tongue on an STD, of all things; in the past few months she has also made similar dire noises regarding a brief rash on my arm, and a very brief and innocuous female thing of the variety that everychick gets occasionally. Methinks she has some unresolved issues re: me and my various guys. (Whose numbers are dwindling, BTW; I expect to have only 2 within the month. See? I can be a good girl when I want to be...) |
|
|
| Curse it... |
[Jan. 20th, 2005|02:05 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | books, boyfriends, rants | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | ambiance |
| | "listen[ing] to the whistle of the evening train..." | ] |
Dan just woke me up by leaving a message on my machine. Unfortunately, his education seems to have been greatly neglected re: the art of message leaving; when talking to a phone machine, it is generally helpful to a.) use actual words, and b.) leave some type of phone number (this is especially important when the messenger is temporarily homeless and sans cell phone).
Thus, it now looks as if I have a date with some marshmallows (they toast rather nicely on the stove burner) and Terry Pratchett instead (the new one: Going Postal, it's called). Must get sleepy soon; I WORK tomorrow, for the love of Christ...
*30 more minutes of similar profanity-laced grumblings doubtless to follow* |
|
|
| GodDAMN it... |
[Jan. 19th, 2005|01:48 am] |
...I had an interesting (read: highly charged) conversation with ¶ tonight; he thinks I'm rawther wonderful and wants to know why I'm not married. Grrrr. And he uses the "L-word" re: me way too much for comfort. Stoopit societal norms...
Still bothered about §, too. I will be very relieved when I'm back on my usual truckload of Zoloft. Having emotions vexes me.
Dearth of druggy num-nums notwithstanding, I did enjoy watching Senators Barbara Boxer (D - CA) and Joe Biden (D - Delaware) deliver verbal bitch-slaps to Condo Rice this evening (not that their input will ultimately keep her from being confirmed or anything). Watched with my mother; whenever Rice said anything, one or both of us would chorus, "Bitch!" Man, ya cut off the Hydra's head, and another one just grows back in it's place...
M. has finally conceded the wisdom of my saving up for a new car. I'm so superstitious that I was loath to say/write anything before the deal had been done, but I knocked on wood, so it should be all right. Will miss my baby car, though...despite Nikki's car snobbery, she really is adorable, and has been good to me. Must remember to tell her new owner to give her lots of positive reinforcement when she goes up a particularly steep hill...
Must get some sleep, ima. 'Night! |
|
|
| "Where's my wandering parakeet?"‡ |
[Jan. 16th, 2005|04:50 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | boyfriends | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | insomniac | ] |
| [ | ambiance |
| | ...my stomach, rumbling... | ] |
He's at Sully's (for now, anyway), apparently. Which is where I ended up tonight as well, although I didn't see S. at all (but he's going to France tomorrow, so he probably needs his rest, the poor thing. Actually, I really mean "the lucky jet-setting bastid". (Jealous? Me? No!)
So Dan's going to move into his new apartment on the first of the month - he's going to live a floor below Jared. Nothing like doing the Walk of Shame one Sunday morning and seeing your supervisor pro tem out walking the dog (or whatever). Because that's not awkward at all.
I did get pretty freaked out, though; I hadn't talked to D. for about 2 weeks, but today at work I left him a note on his desk telling him, essentially, not to be a stranger. So he calls tonight, and I tell him that I left him this note, and he says, "So I called". Which was a little weird because he didn't work today. Then, later we were talking and he teased me about spending Saturday night at home "working on [my] portfolio". Now, I know that I never told him that I was working on an art project when he called; I just said I was "chillin'" (because I am so very ghetto). I asked him about that, too, but he just shrugged it off in that quintessentially Dan way. So, is he psychic? Because I don't think I like the idea of a psychic Dan; you know how badly men gossip.
Hmmm...
‡ The first person who tells me what movie that line is from will earn my undying admiration (sorry, though - no lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni for you). |
|
|
| Ah, les liasons dangereuse... |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|09:30 pm] |
I really hope that I can get together with § tomorrow...! (Yes, I know: I am bad bad bad. But he started it!) The rest of my day off promises to be dominated by tedium - cleaning, banking, irate calls to the doctor's office, etc. - so I figure I've gotta get my kicks where I can.
So, last weekend I didn't get to go out because of the snowstorm, and this coming Saturday night sounds similarly grim - my bleedin' father is threatening to visit (hence the cleaning), so no Saturday night/Sunday morning drinking-screwing-hangover cocktail to look forward to (yes, it's a lot more fun than it sounds!). And to make things worse, the Dad says he's been inadvertently mulleted by his barber. Jesus barfed.
X-mas pics soon forthcoming - just remember, my eyes are not generally that delicate shade of vermillion, becoming though it may be. And yes, I really am that pale. (Marilyn Manson will gnash his vampire teeth with envy when he sees my pictures!)
Time to don my mittens and retire to my bed - goodnight!
Later:
Just got my stupid period. Am now going to eat ice cream and sulk. |
|
|
| 'Tis the season... |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|02:10 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | boyfriends, cats | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  wistful | ] |
| [ | ambiance |
| | ...Tori Amos - "Yes Anastasia"... | ] |
It is literally freezing here in my garret - I can see my breath, and my hands are numb. Apparently the natural law (heat rising) does not apply to my house. Even most of my cats have found excuses not to sleep up here, saying that my insomnia is keeping them awake too, but I can see through their lies. Pussies.
It's probably just a "spoke in my menstrual cycle" (see "Heathers", below), but for the past couple of days I have been wanting actual non-physical male affection -atypical for me, ne? I suppose that if I wasn't so stubborn, I could return ¶'s "I miss you"s and build some deeper emotional attachment with him, but we all know what I'm (stupidly) holding out for. Because I am quixotic, and a total dick. Hopefully I will return to sanity once "Aunt Flo is standing on her head and throwing up", as Rachel used to say. Heh. And they say I'm uncouth... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|12:49 pm] |
Confound it - I can't understand why I can only see my picture of the Fat Mouseling (see previous entry) when I go into "Post Comment", but there it is. So if you're only seeing red Xs on the main page, go into the abovementioned area and you should see pictures! Glorious pictures!
@ werk - v. slow, and to make matters worse, getting money from these mofos is like pulling teeth today. Nevertheless, cheery I am (to some extent) because:
* The Kitten is back in Portland!
* When I came in today, there was a rather skilled drawing on my desk (from Collin, no doubt) of two sci-fi creatures that resemble alien skeletons, or skeletal aliens. I love that kid. I am teaching him Japanese.
* I have lovely bouncy hair today.
* My last client had an hilarious speech impediment that made, for example, the word "luxurious" into "luxuwious". Wewease Wodewick!
* I finally ventured to taste one of my Christmas Toblerones and found it a lot less repellent than advertised (I mean, it says "with honey and almond nougat" - can you blame me for being hesitant?).
* Clandestine assignation with § - men rock!
On the minus side:
* Two one of my boyfriends seem to be currently off-limits.
* The remaining one is homeless and staying with friends for a month.
* Despite my appointing a regular waterer (and 2 auxiliary
ones in case the regular one flaked out), my plants are dead.
Okay, enough drivel...I'm going to play with my slinky now. |
|
|
| To Mystery Guy: |
[Dec. 20th, 2004|09:13 pm] |
I've got to know: Did you actually do it?
We are shameless. ;-D
Kisses (and more)! ME |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
lucy_kitten_17's journal
hopeful
petrified-ish
glum
sneezy
sleepity
cheerful-ish
seductive